Skylar Fucile
8/29/2013 06:40:06 am
Throughout the 17th century differing economic, geographic, and social aspects formed the Chesapeake region and New England. New England maintained a sturdy, communal identity while the Chesapeake remained all over the board. In the hot river valleys of the Chesapeake had a climate that helped form staple crops. New England’s extreme climate forced mass production of staple crops and the spread of disease difficult. The mixture of poor free men, indentured servants, and salves resulted in an immense rich versus poor gap in the Chesapeake Bay Region.
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Emily Claeboe
9/5/2013 07:12:14 am
The ideas of the body paragraphs are better placed at the end of the thesis statement so then it can flow better in to the next part of the essay. Otherwise there are good details in it.
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Taylor Slais
9/5/2013 09:06:30 am
While there is a lot of good information in this paragraph, it seems like more of an introduction than a thesis. Perhaps making the thesis sentence stronger and then including the other information as part of the introduction would help.
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Rachel Sutherland
9/5/2013 12:56:59 pm
You're really specific in your details, Skylar. However, a thesis statement is a sentence and what this seems like is more of an nice introduction. If you get specific with what you listed in the first sentence, I think you'll have a nice thesis. :)
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Ivy Gibson
8/29/2013 06:50:03 am
The colonists in the New England and Chesapeake areas, while sharing some similarities, eventually developed into two distinct cultural regions based on their demographics, their motives for starting a colony, and how the colonies' government was set up.
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Sophia Maicki
9/5/2013 04:33:26 am
Ivy, we were told to give feedback. You did a great job on the framework in your thesis, and it would be great for a very well organized essay. However, you could get more specific with the reasons for the differences between the colonies.
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Emily Claeboe
8/29/2013 01:15:30 pm
Though the Chesapeake and New England regions were started up by the English;after the 17th century they developed into very different cultural areas through their geography, motives for their colony, and how each company chose to set up the government.
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Thomas Timmerman
9/5/2013 04:35:56 am
Emily, your use of the semi-colon is not correct. A simple comma would suffice.
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Kishan Patel
9/5/2013 09:28:11 am
this is really good i think towards the end you wrote company instead of colony :)
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Sophia Maicki
9/5/2013 01:05:13 pm
This has a great structure! I would suggest you add more details to back up why they are different.
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Sophia Maicki
8/29/2013 01:25:08 pm
The New England and Chesapeake Bay regions may be close together, and they may have started out based on similar ideas, but they were unique as far as culture, social structure, government, and religion were concerned; this was probably due to the colonists that formed the regions, where they came from, and what they believed to be the correct way to start their new lives.
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Olivia Lorence
9/5/2013 08:55:38 am
Great job on including all kinds of details Sophia! Try to find a different way of saying "This is probably due"
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Taylor Slais
9/5/2013 09:01:00 am
You have good information, but I agree with Olivia. In addition, it seems a little disjointed to me. Also, are the "culture, social structure, government, and religion" the points, or is it "formed the regions, where they came from, and what they believed..." because it could be a bit ambiguous.
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Skylar Fucile
9/5/2013 10:25:28 am
I really like this thesis, but your comma usage could be played around with.
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Josie Oren
8/29/2013 01:42:30 pm
Both the New England and Chesapeake Bay regions, though close to one another geographically, eventually developed very distinct cultural identities from one another; this was based on the founding principles of the colony, the assemblies and governments present among the masses, the social demographics of the immigrants-- such as financial well-being, race, and nationality--as well as the different types of religions that were present in the land.
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Skylar Fucile
9/5/2013 10:27:29 am
This is very well written! The only thing that I would suggest it start it off with a different word other than 'both' :)
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Rachel Sutherland
9/5/2013 12:48:43 pm
As always, nicely done. It flows nicely and very specific with your examples. I can find little to correct, but I agree with Skylar about the "both".
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Sophia Maicki
9/5/2013 01:08:42 pm
I think this is great Josie, I would agree on changing the word "both" but other than that, it's close to perfect. Make sure your details are in the order that you want them in for your essay. Weakest to strongest is usually how I set up my body paragraphs.
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Taylor Slais
8/29/2013 02:19:10 pm
Despite similar origins, the Chesapeake colonies and those of New England became quite different socially; though due to no one cause, the main reasons for the disparity are the different goals and methods of the early settlers, as well as the greater reliance upon religion present in the New England colonies.
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Emily Claeboe
9/5/2013 07:14:50 am
Nicely written, but the point should be more specific (not to much though).Good job Taylor!
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Kishan
9/5/2013 09:34:44 am
This is practically perfect good job :) if you want you could add one more specific example
Josie Oren
9/5/2013 12:26:05 pm
Awesome thesis! Other than considering adding in one last example, I wouldn't change too much!
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Rachel Sutherland
8/29/2013 03:11:35 pm
In the New England and Chesapeake Bay regions and settlements, the colonists shared many qualities, but there were also a great many differences including their religions (sometimes coupled with the race and diversity in colonists), the governments and legislatures that helped form law within the colonies, and what the colony themselves founded their settlement on.
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Taylor Slais
9/5/2013 09:11:48 am
The points are good, but the sentence doesn't flow very well (maybe the wording?), and some elaboration may help with building a more solid thesis overall.
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Reese Bohn
9/5/2013 11:18:15 am
This is a well written thesis but may be you could make the diversity of the colonists its own main point instead of being tied into religion. But either way this is a well written thesis statement.
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Thomas Timmerman
8/31/2013 03:49:20 pm
Despite the similarities between the Chesapeake and the New England colonial regions, the two ended up developing very differently due to their motives to colonize, their demographic ranges (most notably gender), and the way their governing bodies operated.
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Emily Claeboe
9/5/2013 07:09:52 am
The thesis is well written, but you need to elaborate on the ideas for the body paragraphs.
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Olivia Lorence
9/5/2013 08:53:03 am
Really good way of describing the body paragraphs. Maybe try not to include the parentheses just to make it look more professional.
Reese Bohn
9/5/2013 11:02:54 am
This is a well written introduction Thomas but maybe you could try to include a couple more reasons on why they were different or possibly elaborate a little more.
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Olivia Lorence
9/2/2013 12:30:17 pm
Even though the New England and Chesapeake Bay colonial settlers were both English by origin, they had developed two very different societies. Each group had it's own beliefs and expectations of what they will find in this new world, and the results of their settlement were very different as well.
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Thomas Timmerman
9/5/2013 04:38:52 am
Olivia, you did a good job; however, you should provide examples of the points you are trying to illustrate. Elaborate!
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Kishan Patel
9/5/2013 09:25:36 am
This is great Olivia but make sure you explain in order what each body paragraph will be about in your thesis :)
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Josie Oren
9/5/2013 12:21:11 pm
This is a good job, however, I would elaborate on how and why they were different (somewhere near the end of the paragraph) in order to provide the reader with some framework. :)
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Kishan Patel
9/3/2013 08:37:51 am
Though the Chesapeake and New England colonies were both discovered by the English, they both were very different and distinct from one another. This was probably due to the reasons why some people immigrated, the motives of these immigrants, how the government was set up, as well as the different races and religions in both colonies.
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Thomas Timmerman
9/5/2013 04:40:20 am
Good job! However, never use a phrase like, "This was probably due to..." Always assert your point and stick right to it.
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Skylar Fucile
9/5/2013 10:29:21 am
Good job Kishan! I would add another sentence (or re-form the last one) to make it flow a little better into your body paragraphs :)
Adam Kimball
9/3/2013 03:10:02 pm
Although the Chesapeake and New England colonies bore various similarities from the outset, their motives to colonize resulted in two different regions, specifically in reference to their governmental bodies and population demographics.
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Olivia Lorence
9/5/2013 08:57:11 am
Really good!! Maybe try to include a third difference to include in a body paragraph.
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Reese Bohn
9/5/2013 11:27:05 am
This is a great thesis statement and there is not much that needs to change except maybe adding one or two more reasons or possibly elaborate and go deeper on the ones you already have
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Rachel Sutherland
9/5/2013 01:00:30 pm
It's a good thesis, but I agree that you should add another reason or two on why the regions were different from one another and be more specific with the reasons as well.
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Reese Bohn
9/5/2013 04:49:35 am
Chesapeake and New England both had similarities but there were many more differences. these differences were created through mass amounts of diversity, political views, religious views, and what they wanted to do with there lives in the new world
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Josie Oren
9/5/2013 12:24:37 pm
Good start! I would try reducing the paragraphs illustrated in the last sentence down to three just for this first time (unless you reallllllly want to go in depth into all four, by all means!). I would suggest maybe combining both the political and religious views into one paragraph, since one usually influences the other. Also, "there lives" should be changed to "their lives." ;)
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Sophia maicki
9/5/2013 01:13:30 pm
This is pretty good, but I agree with Josie on narrowing your information down to 3 main topics. You might want to combine this into one sentence, and if not, capitalize "these".
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